Life in these, our free country’s, airports can be quite the trip down people-watching-lane….just sitting here I’ve seen (or heard) the following:

- A guy walk by with sweaty shoulders (really? shoulders?…yep)

- A guy on his cell phone with one eye closed

- The standard cell phone pick up response of “Hello.  Hello?  Hello?  Hello?”…to which I, with great restraint, do not respond with “HEY!  THERE’S NOBODY THERE…YELLING ‘HELLO’ AINT GONNA HELP!”

-People angry at the airlines for delays due to a freak snowstorm

-People angry at the airlines for “Mechanical Problems”…to which I, with great restraint, do not respond with “HEY!…REALLY?…YOU’RE MAD BECAUSE THE AIRLINE WON’T USE A BROKEN PLANE TO GET US ACROSS THE COUNTRY?…AH, MAKES SENSE.”

-A bald lady wearing a headband

-A guy running to his gate BECAUSE HE IS LATE!

-One eyed cell phone man walks back by, both eyes open

But, the thing you see most, is travelers on a mission to find the sacred find of all things mobile…a seat next to a power outlet!

When flying…battery power is your friend!  A long flight can be made even longer if your iPhone runs out of juice and you are rendered unable to complete the latest Angry Birds level.  Or, Steve-forbid your MacBook goes dark in the middle of the Godfather Trilogy your wife bought you for Christmas (it can go dark during 3…that’s cool…but not 1 or 2).

So, after spending a day on the road draining the life sustenance from your mobile communication units…you get to the airport with time to spare (as you should)…make it through the full body massage that is our TSA workers (“a little to the right…ah…that’s it.  Right. There.  Thanks Julian…see you in 3 weeks.”)…grab some mud…and start the search (“Be vewy vewy quiet….”).

Some airports have cool comfy chairs equipped with USB outlets and a bit of desk room.

Some have workstations with power outlets and plenty of desk space.

Some, nothin!

You gotta find any available outlet that doesn’t have someone camped out next to it like they are waiting in line for Paradise Theater tickets to go on sale outside their local (Brea) mall Ticketmaster.

Recently, like the crocodile hunter looking for something allusive, I was having trouble finding a docking place for my Edison Powered Tools.  But then….I saw this:

See those guys on the right of the pole?

Standard.

Laptops, Coffee (good boys), headphones, slip on shoes.  Seasoned frequent travelers.  Proud to be in the same airport with these men.

See the guy on the left of the pole?

Rookie.

Looking around (never, ever, ever, look people in the eye…they’ll wanna talk…and we cant have that!).  No coffee (sigh).  No headphones.  And just look at those shoes…a corset doesn’t lace up that much!  DO NOT GET BEHIND THIS GUY WHILE GOING THROUGH SECURITY…it’ll take 15 minutes just to get those telephone-pole-climbing work boots un-laced.

AND…look at him…he doesn’t even have anything plugged into the outlet! “There’s no room in the outlet…” you say.  You know why?  That black bag, with the white cord coming out of it and plugged into the wall. IT’S MINE!  See, he sits there, all relaxed, taking up two seats, with NOTHING plugged in and no need to power up, just takin’ up precious seasoned-traveler space!

Look behind him!

Yep!  EMPTY. SEATS. EVERYWHERE!

“Well, why didn’t you go sit over there, Jeff?”

BECAUSE THERE WERE NO OUTLETS TO BE FOUND ON THOSE EMPTY WALLS!  THAT’S WHY THERE ARE NO SLIP-ON-SHOE-WEARIN’-TRAVELERS BACK THERE.  BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO….HE’S ALL COMFORTABLE AND COZY PROBABLY READING A…WHAT ARE THEY CALLED AGAIN?…NEWS-PAPER!

So I sat across the aisle, carefully watching my bag so as not to set off a color-code-warning-increase-due-to-mysterious-backpack panic.

All while he sat comfortably in a chair, next to his bags, catching up on who knows what.

Come on man!  Look around…for cryin’ out loud…was I not obvious enough when I stopped in front of you and looked at your bags enjoying their own seat?  Did I not make enough “annoyed” sounds while pulling out my cords and attaching them to the Matrix?

Let’s be aware of what’s going on around you rookie travelers…have some understanding of the hierarchy of the daily grind that is us power draining seasoned travelers.

We-wants-our-power-surge-and-we-wants-it-now! (thanks Santana…call me!)

I’m actually very patient when it comes to your cluelessness of Alphabetical and Numerical boarding passes (annoyed…but patient).  Or when you are on finally on board and can’t find seat C27…(open seating folks..just like the movies).

All this to say…if you desire to walk around all relaxed, not a care in the world, smiles on your faces, not addicted to Coffee Bucks, happy to be waiting….then go for it.

But if you’re gonna sit there, people watch and take our place in the wall…then you’re gonna hear Nick Burns say “MOVE!”